Meeting other CDers for the first time

[JoAnnDallas]

I remember when I was invited to attend HEF2006 last year. This is an annual CD even sponsered by Tri-Ess. Last year it was held here in Dallas. Anyway, I sent end my fee and while I was waiting for the week to come, I got thinking that this will be my first time meeting other CDers and possibly pre/post TS's. I wondered how I would relate to them and how they would relate to me.
So I am asking all of you that have meet other CDers.
1. How did you feel meeting another CDer who was dressed and you were dressed?
2. Did you relate to them as you would another woman or did you relate to them as a man in womens clothing?
3. How did they relate to you?
4. Did you try and use a fem voice or did you just use your male voice?
5. Was the experience what you hoped it would be?

I discovered that I quickly started relating them as other women and felt I was relating them as a woman too. I found my femininty taking hold and felt the feminity of the others. Every one I met make me feel welcomed and loved, which made the whole experience more enjoyable. What nervious and tension I had quickly faded. When my host discovered that that was my first time in public dressed, she took me under her wing and made the whole time even more enjoyable.

[Carla L]

JoAnn,

Thank you for the post. I have wondered these same questions and can only hope to one day experience a Tri-Ess meeting someday.

[DonnaT]

I related to them like I relate to another person, regardless of gender. Just two (or more) people talking. No putting on airs, but instead, just being ourselves.

My voice was softer, but it wasn't something I consciously tried to do. Just happened. I have practised a fem voice, but I have yet to use that voice in actual conversation.

And the experience has been great. Probably better than expected, for the most part.

[KathyB]

My first time meeting other crossdressers was in the mid-1990s, attending a local Tri-Ess meeting in Charlotte. I went totally en drab, shaving my beard for the first time in many years. When someone there asked why I hadn't come dressed, I said, "I figured if anyone who knows me is here, I want them to know it's me." Well, it turned out there was noone I knew or vice versa, but I learned how the local Tri-Ess meetings were organized, who was there, who wasn't, and what I could expect at the next month's meeting.

So, to answer your questions:
1. No different from meeting any other person. We's all just human.
2. At the time, I related to them as men in womens clothing, because that was the focus of Tri-Ess, male heterosexual crossdressers.
3. They were all very nice and friendly, and made me feel quite welcome. It was the first time in my life I ever felt any kind of acceptance.
4. No, no femme voice for me. I do soften my delivery, and I'm more quiet as Kathy.
5. The experience was everything I hoped it could be and more. I had finally found other people who understood and accepted Kathy. They even encouraged her.

[Virginia]

As my sisters have alluded to, we are all just folk with the same gift, so we just seem to enjoy each other's company.

In public, however, until you sort of get use to yourself you do tend to be a bit more attuned to how you present. I got to thinking about dinner Saturday night, two CD'ers and their two GG's sitting in a restaurant just like any two other couples. Now all I can say for me and in retrospect for Angie also we were just four girls out for dinner. We were all relaxed and I guess I could describe Virginia as being on auto-pilot. She is who she is. I can think back now that I am participating in this thread and think about how she sat, used her utensils, drank her wine, used her napkin, etc. It just comes natural for her, but I guess if you have not been out much you have to be aware of your presentation. That is unless you are of the "in your face, I don't care what you think!" attitude. Now I have been to SCC as have some of our sisters here and if you look around during the lunches and dinners you will see all the variations from prim and proper feminine etiquette to "DANGER - keep your hands away from my plate and mouth when I am inhaling my food!" Elbows spread all over the table, chewing like they won't be able to eat for another week, just plain poor to non-existent table manners. I have seen that in public restaurants as well by CD's who were not specifically with a group. Just poor manners, even for a man.

As for just meet and greet, I remember one instance specifically at a private club, there was this bleach blond, micro-mini-skirt, tube top, fishnet hose, 5" heels, and TammyFaye make-up. She would have passed too!!!!!! as a hooker, but she was pretty! I could not stand it, I just had to talk to her, just to see. Feminine curiosity I guess. I walked up to her and said, "Hi, I'm Virginia!" and held our my hand. She took my hand gently, introduced herself and I now consider her one of my friends and she shoots a pretty good stick too! We never talked about her selection of clothing or lack there of but I know she goes out dressed, but not like she does when she comes to the club, it's just her thing.

Like was said we are just folk, different even to each other perhaps, but I can't think of any CD'er I have ever met that came across as "holier than thou!" As I am prone to say, "We are nice folk!" Just go with the flow, relax, enjoy meeting new people and making new friends.

Love,

Virginia

[KarenW]

I went to a gender event several years ago and this was indeed the first real time I was able to hang out and meet others. After spending the whole weekend en femme with these good folks and making two good friends.
The morning we were wrapping up one of them came to my room to bid farewell and was en drab. That feeling I got when I answered the door I will never forget. I was truly weird. Like meeting a completely different person. Man that was just wild.

He was like, nice to meet ya, see ya!

So I we met as femme and parted as male. And after spending an entire weekend, it was a bit of a change of pace to say the least. It just left me thinking wow what a freeky experience.

So the next year we went back and he had his girlfriend with him this time. We all met for drinks at this 'lil pub. She ( my TG friend) gets up from the table and says she is not comfortable and leaves only to come back to the table some 20 minutes later as her guy self only to say 'its alot easier taking all of that crap off than it is to put it on'. Talk about weird.

She later told me she felt pressure from the girlfriend to give her some 'man' time and unfortunatley I got caught in the middle. Everything was totally awkward after that.

I could not really deal with her in guy mode. I knew her in femme mode. It was as if all of a sudden we were playing for different teams again.

But I do recall when we were all en femme, the comraderie I felt. And I felt a slight erection in her prescence once that shocked me. I had to say wait a minute. Interesting.

[Sylvia H]

June 2007
Sylvias first time out and at the Chicago Be-All. There were at least 1000 of us there! Nervous you bet. Walking to the hotel from the parking lot seemed to take an hour. I walk through the door and there must be 50 of us just in the entry lounge. No one even looks up. I finally fit somewhere!!
During the whole 3 days I heard nary a discouraging word from , to, or between anyone. There appeared to be no subconcious "ranking" or anything I usually sense at hotel conventions.
This was a true excercise in freedom.
To address your questions more specifically. Everyone appeared to relate to everyone else at thier level. It was like almost instinctive and quite amazing given the differences jn personalities in large groups.
I used a softer voice most of the time but when at dinner , our table (most of us turned out to have similar professions) and things got a bit rowdyer and everyones voices got quite varied.
I made a Freudian slip referring to one at our table as he instead of she and was politely reprimanded and they didn't kick me out the door.

It was way way way more than I could have ever expected!! Just that one event was probably the most positive single thing I have experienced in my entire life. (Well the Pink Floyd concert was pretty good too a while back)
I can say the most valuable thing I got out of it was a new perspective that made me see how unnecessarily afraid I was about all this CD stuff as well as other things. Most of the junk was something I created. Well if I can create it I can also uncreate it!! As a result the biggest part of my self confidence was pretty much restored which is crucial. This is not something I would expect anyone who has never lost confidence would probably understand.
Ive heard 2nd and 3rd hand that TS and CD people are judgmental to each other. I haven't been out enough to speak to that. Havent experienced that.
There were a few people at BeAll that were obviously just men in dresses, but I did not see them being treated any different than anyone else.

Just being exposed to all of the vendors there gave me a much needed reality adjustment. (Particularly Donna at the Island Girls booth and the representative from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology).
I am not a city person, but with a support network like that, I could be convinced to change my mind.

There was nothing not to like about the whole experience!!!!!

xoxox
Sylvia

[SilverLady(SO)]

Hmmmm . . . and for someone reading Sylvia's post above, you wouldn't know that I had to use reverse psychology to push Sylvia 'out the door' and into the Be All in the first place!! I know she's glad I did it, too!



- SL

[Sylvia H]

Give credit where credit is due.
Yes SL is correct. She was very instrumental in convincing me to go as well as Virginia.


There is nothing to fear except fear itself. But sometimes I forget:)


xoxoxoxoxox
Sylvia