I need help

Gaven McLaren · Post by **Gaven McLaren** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 3:33 am

I do not often ask for help on the forum. Quite often I am the person that comes out of no where with good advice (imho of course).

I have decided that I have to talk to my 2 younger sisters this year regarding the fact that I am a cross dresser and am happier wearing the clothes of a woman then that of a man. I did not do so last year as I felt it was a bad time being that our father died in September and I was going to have that talk in December. There was to much going on then with the family. Now I feel I have to talk to them. My mother and my older sister know and are accepting from what they say talking to them through email and on myspace. I do not know how to open the subject up to my sisters. How do I tell them that their brother whom is very happy being male and love woman prefers to wear a skirt to pants sometimes? How do I tell them that my choice of swim wear is not the typical shorts that men wear but womens swim wear? I love my sisters dearly but being that they are younger then me and that I only met them when I started highschool we are not quite as close as I think we should be. I fear rejection that opening that door can lead to. I only have 3 close family members here on the west coast. So rejection would be a very bad thing for me. My grandmother knows and is very accepting. Should I print up my blog post and bring it with me for them to read as a way of starting the conversation?

* I edited the title because I did not realize I fat fingered the keyboard when I typed it in.*

Post by **DonnaT** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 7:12 am

First, do not print your blog for them to read. In it you mention wearing their things and stealing from one of them. Not something a sister would want to read about, IMHO.

Now, the question is, why do you need to tell them? Do they come around to your house very often? Would you prefer being able to remain in a skirt when they do come around?

How well do you know them? Are they conservative or more open minded?

If you really need to come out to them, then when they are over to your place. Just mention, "I have been keeping a part of me secret for quite some time, and would like to tell you about it if I may."

I wouldn't go into details about who's clothes you wore when younger. That's really not so important.

They may already know, so once you tell them you like being a guy, but prefer wearing women's clothes at times, let them ask whatever questions they may have.

I've recently told a cousin, through email, and let her ask the questions. I try make my responses humorous at times, but honest. I had no desire to tell her, but she asked if I had an alternative email address to my AOL one, since I rarely read my AOL email. Since my other email has a girls name in it, I felt I should explain why. She's been cool with it.

So, let them ask the questions. Then you won't ramble and say something they may not want to hear or may be embarrassed hearing.

Georgia(SO) · Post by **Georgia(SO)** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 7:56 am

I think DonnaT has a really good point - the devil is sometimes in the details.

There is a fine line between telling them enough to ensure that they understand exactly what you are talking about and telling them so much that they have too much to swallow at one time. If you lay the groundwork for the discussion, as DonnaT suggested, and then let them ask questions, they will ask the ones that matter to them. They will also skip over the questions that either do not matter to them, or that are way more information than they want to know.

-georgia(so)

Gaven McLaren · Post by **Gaven McLaren** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 10:37 am

DonnaT wrote:First, do not print your blog for them to read. In it you mention wearing their things and stealing from one of them. Not something a sister would want to read about, IMHO.

Thank you for that.

DonnaT wrote:Now, the question is, why do you need to tell them? Do they come around to your house very often? Would you prefer being able to remain in a skirt when they do come around?

As the most recent update to my geocities page shows, and have mentioned here I am phasing out quite a bit of my mens clothes. As for them coming around often I see them really only twice a year which is some what my fault as well as theirs. We are all very busy between jobs and the fact that they were in school until recently as well as my Ren. Faire schedule we could not get together. Now to your last question yes I would very much like to stay in a skirt when I am around them.

DonnaT wrote:How well do you know them? Are they conservative or more open minded?

I know them rather well they are sort of a mix between the two. I think the older of my two younger sisters will be better about it then the youngest who just turned 21 will take it. However that might just be my fear of rejection talking. They do have an uncle that is gay and lives with his boyfriend. I say they do because my younger sisters have a different mother then I do and it is her brother.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 9:20 pm

It would seem to me that your mother and other sister, being family or step family members, would have valuable input about this. You might even want to have one of them present when you tell them.

Aside from what your blog says, I would think telling them in person is definitely the way to go.

Absaroka

Gaven McLaren · Post by **Gaven McLaren** » Sun Nov 18, 2007 9:50 pm

I would love to have my mother or older sister there to help with the conversation but they live on the other side of the country. My grandmother is the only other close family member I have living here in Cali. She sadly is a 3 hours in the opposite direction for Thanksgiving.

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Nov 19, 2007 2:30 pm

I'd still suggest a chat with them first.

Absaroka

DeeDee · Post by **DeeDee** » Tue Nov 20, 2007 12:20 pm

Gaven
Its a tough thing to doing...telling others, especially family. I have no real advice other than to tell you that I told my younger sister about a year ago. Without a doubt, it was a very difficult decision and made for a strained phone call on my part (she lives 1000 miles away). After much small talk and such...I just told her I had something to tell. Her reaction was more than I could have hoped for...she was so accepting and even wanted to see pics of me. I also was afraid she would reject me, which would have hurt terribly, but I suppose I just wanted to be upfront and quit hiding. I have a letter written (just in case)....stashed in my safe box....explaining as best I can who I am. But now having it out in the open makes it almost moot, and we still have the best brother and sister relationship possible. So, if you do tell....it takes "guts"...and it can go either way, so be prepared. I wish you luck and hope it works out as well for you as it did for me if you do tell.
Hugs
DeeDee