I've been as honest as I know how with my SO and you are all marvelously helpful so it's not like I don't have any support, but there's something about being able to be honest with more people close to me. After much hand-wringing and worries about how a long-time friend might react if I opened up to her about my cross-dressing, I finally bit the bullet and wrote a long soul-baring message to bring her up to speed.
One long night of wondering how she would react, and I have my answer. With a deep sigh of relief I can report that I have another human being to confide in who is comfortable with the idea (and not even particularly surprised.) Of course I chose her because we already have a strong friendship and she's particularly open-minded, but still ...
Whew! Nerve wracking but worthwhile. Every step that uncovers more acceptance "out there" helps me feel more comfortable with myself. I didn't have any deep message for all of you, just looking to share the mini-breakthroughs as they happen.
Finally opened up to a friend
Moderators: KimberlyS, CathyAnn
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Kimberly Kael
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 576
- Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:43 pm
- Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Finally opened up to a friend
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
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Gaven McLaren
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 697
- Joined: Thu Aug 14, 2003 2:29 am
- Location: San Ramon, CA
- Contact:
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Virginia
- Goddess of the Universe
- Posts: 5543
- Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2004 4:06 pm
- Location: Strange Magic Hill
HI Kimberly,
Yes, finding someone to confide in can be critical. It is one way to find out who our friends really are. As you said, we have to be selective and gentle. This forum is wonderful, but it just cannot take the place of human, face to face contact. And, finding someone who will accept us is great. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not.
I am just glad that you found someone who is accepting of Kimberly and that is a good thing.
Keep the faith, girls.
Love,
Virginia
Yes, finding someone to confide in can be critical. It is one way to find out who our friends really are. As you said, we have to be selective and gentle. This forum is wonderful, but it just cannot take the place of human, face to face contact. And, finding someone who will accept us is great. Sometimes it works and sometimes it does not.
I am just glad that you found someone who is accepting of Kimberly and that is a good thing.
Keep the faith, girls.
Love,
Virginia
First star to the right, then straight on 'till mornin!
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Kendra Lynn
- Miss Emerald Goddess
- Posts: 220
- Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2005 8:13 am
- Location: Silver Spring, Maryland
Friends and CDing
Hello all: I do confide in one or two people from the local gender support group.
Since I do attend public events (mostly protests, but there are other occasions...) "hippie cheerleader" is a low level icon in the Washington, DC area. I do get recognized. If I am at a public event dressed as the "hippie cheerleader," sometimes I am asked questions like do I do that often, am I a cross dresser, etc. etc. I answer truthfully that I am a cross dresser-- not trans-sexual, not gay, etc. etc. Some are surprised, some are ok with it, and some, even in the ahem, "progressive" /"alternative" circles I generally run in, are clearly NOT comfortable with it. And some really are honestly curious.
I am pleased that many of members of the DC area music community have accepted what I do and treat me the same no matter how I look. I ran into someone today at the WHOLE FOODS in downtown Silver Spring-- hadn't "dressed" in three weeks and just took a little walking trip into downtown Silver Spring and visited RITZ CAMERA (nice folks there, they'll even take a few pictures of me if the place isn't busy) , Burlington Coat Factory (got a few cute "newsboy/cabbie" style caps there-- best to pay in CASH when I go there "enfemme"), BORDERS (they're not fazed by anything) and WHOLE FOODS (they're not fazed by anything either). This particular person is probably still a little fazed by my CDing (and has asked about it), but today (Sunday) we had a normal discussion about our music business interests. I did preface the conversation by saying that I hadn't "dressed" in a few weeks and today seemed like a good day to do so.
But do I have any actual confidants outside of the TG community I can discuss this with? Most of closest male friends know that I am a CD
and accept that, but I do not really discuss it with them. I do have a GG friend, a musician, that I have gone on a few limited shopping trips with. We have discussed my CDing and among my close friends, she is the one who is the most comfortable with it. Of course she's known me for over 20 years; that may have helped the situation.
I'm wondering if CDing seems like playing both sides to a lot of folks. They can handle it you're gay or trans-sexual-- that means you are consistent 24x7. But part time cross dressing which shows that you are trying (and at times succeeding) to present a believable feminine image, is something else again. People like defined categories, and CDers, by their very nature, flout categories.
OK, maybe that was somewhat off topic, but it all does tie together. Really.
Best wishes to all for the holiday season.
Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader")
Since I do attend public events (mostly protests, but there are other occasions...) "hippie cheerleader" is a low level icon in the Washington, DC area. I do get recognized. If I am at a public event dressed as the "hippie cheerleader," sometimes I am asked questions like do I do that often, am I a cross dresser, etc. etc. I answer truthfully that I am a cross dresser-- not trans-sexual, not gay, etc. etc. Some are surprised, some are ok with it, and some, even in the ahem, "progressive" /"alternative" circles I generally run in, are clearly NOT comfortable with it. And some really are honestly curious.
I am pleased that many of members of the DC area music community have accepted what I do and treat me the same no matter how I look. I ran into someone today at the WHOLE FOODS in downtown Silver Spring-- hadn't "dressed" in three weeks and just took a little walking trip into downtown Silver Spring and visited RITZ CAMERA (nice folks there, they'll even take a few pictures of me if the place isn't busy) , Burlington Coat Factory (got a few cute "newsboy/cabbie" style caps there-- best to pay in CASH when I go there "enfemme"), BORDERS (they're not fazed by anything) and WHOLE FOODS (they're not fazed by anything either). This particular person is probably still a little fazed by my CDing (and has asked about it), but today (Sunday) we had a normal discussion about our music business interests. I did preface the conversation by saying that I hadn't "dressed" in a few weeks and today seemed like a good day to do so.
But do I have any actual confidants outside of the TG community I can discuss this with? Most of closest male friends know that I am a CD
and accept that, but I do not really discuss it with them. I do have a GG friend, a musician, that I have gone on a few limited shopping trips with. We have discussed my CDing and among my close friends, she is the one who is the most comfortable with it. Of course she's known me for over 20 years; that may have helped the situation.
I'm wondering if CDing seems like playing both sides to a lot of folks. They can handle it you're gay or trans-sexual-- that means you are consistent 24x7. But part time cross dressing which shows that you are trying (and at times succeeding) to present a believable feminine image, is something else again. People like defined categories, and CDers, by their very nature, flout categories.
OK, maybe that was somewhat off topic, but it all does tie together. Really.
Best wishes to all for the holiday season.
Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader")
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Lucy Michelle
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 728
- Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 9:46 pm
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Kimberly Kael
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 576
- Joined: Sun Apr 01, 2007 6:43 pm
- Location: San Francisco Bay Area
Thank you for the kind words, everyone. I'm enjoying having another outlet for my thoughts, but I'm trying not to bury our friendship in nothing BUT cross-dressing talk! We were friends in so many ways before now and I know it's important not to replace our existing relationship with nothing but girl talk.
~ Kimberly
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
“To escape criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." - Elbert Hubbard
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DeeDee
- Miss Golden Goddess
- Posts: 591
- Joined: Sun Nov 21, 2004 4:45 pm
- Location: South Florida
- Contact:
Kimberly
Letting others know is very hard, but its good for us to do so within limits. I've told a few friends and the reaction was mixed..as was said now you know who your true friends are. I told a male friend of mine who was down here on business..showed him pics....(in no way trying to do anything) I thought it was the end of our friendship...but a few weeks later he emailed me like nothing ever happened. So..it can be good..can be bad...but we are who we are and its wonderful to let others share...true friends are the only friends I want.
DeeDee
Letting others know is very hard, but its good for us to do so within limits. I've told a few friends and the reaction was mixed..as was said now you know who your true friends are. I told a male friend of mine who was down here on business..showed him pics....(in no way trying to do anything) I thought it was the end of our friendship...but a few weeks later he emailed me like nothing ever happened. So..it can be good..can be bad...but we are who we are and its wonderful to let others share...true friends are the only friends I want.
DeeDee