Fright, then ANGER?

[Hope]

After nearly 55 years of successfully 'hiding' I was seen a couple days ago. A solicitor wanting donations for some damn thing probably went to the front gate, and finding it locked, must have decided it was ok to enter a back gate to a totally private breezeway area I have between the house and garage.

I was taking out some trash and didn't even THINK about the idea someone would be there and....YIKES! There I was, petticoats and all and this guy wanting to know if I knew of _____ charity? At first I stood like a dear in the headlights of course, then finally retreated and locked my door. He kept trying to get my attention but finally decided it was a lost cause I guess.

I never imagined the feelings I would experience as a result. I guess I never imagined being seen and although now I finally think I've gotten past the notion everyone in the world now knows, I am getting more and more angry! My 'safe zone' is not! I just want to scream! Any suggestion on dealing with this trauma?

Yes, I'm ordering some sensors and chimes. Also looking at keyless remote control locks, maybe some high power lasers to burn the suckers if they come in but what should I do?

Damn....SIGH.....

[Penni SO]

Hi ya Hope,

I think your feelings are justified,as what you thought was your safe zone has been infiltrated.
This person should not have continued to the back of your house,and to think he still tried to get your attention after the incident is moving into peoples rights.
He has made you feel extremely vulnerable,however in a way he has allowed you to see that maybe there is a need for more security.
Don't let it bother you to much, just make sure you have secured your environment.

Hugs Penny

.... duplicate post deleted - KS

[DonnaT]

The way I deal with it is not to worry about it. Heck, I'll aswer the door dressed.

I figure if I fear what someone else may think, then they own a piece of me. Ain't happening.

[Danette]

Hi Hope- Just do what I use to do put up a sign that says "No solicitors Surviors will be Prosecuted". Seemed to work for me

Hugs,
Danette

[Anita]

I can see why you felt so angry--you had never had to deal with anyone while you were dressed, and that is not something you want to do in an unexpected way.

I don't know how to deal with the trauma in a productive way, other than crying and/or raging if those feelings come up. Beat on pillows, or whack a stick against a tree--anything to express anger.

[Virginia]

HI Hope,

Well I guess we all handle "invasion" of our space in different ways. I will not go into the details of how I would have handled it but suffice it to say it would have been to his betterment if he had a good insurance plan and an up to date will!!! But that is just me.

I am making several assumptions in that you do not live in a "controlled community" so as has been suggested, signs of "no solicitors" or "trespassers will be eaten" or "property under surveillance by guard dog - with AIDS."

It may also be helpful to contact the police department and find out what the laws are concerning solicitors coming on your property without a permit. We know it is illegal to just come on the property but a lot of communities have laws requiring anyone soliciting anything to have a permit. Trespassing and no permit can be a pretty healthy fine and in some instances, jail time!

As for the "invasion" of your "personal space" as has been said, it is over now so try not to dwell on it and just live your life as you want. You were on your own property, not doing anything illegal so don't worry about it.

Love,

Virginia

[Absaroka]

Annoyance at solicitors, phone solicitors and etc is pretty normal.

Real extreme anger is a secondary emotion. The primary emotion is fear, with anger as a response to fear. Once we are frightened the automatic flight or fight repsonse kicks in.

Keep the gate locked or amuse yourself with how surprised the solicitor must have been.

Absaroka

[Hope]

Thanks all. It's been several days now and I'm finally getting a bit more grounded in all this. I've taken some steps to lock at least one of the gates, the other being a bit more complex. Don't want to lock out my better half! She might not be real pleased with that idea?

I did order some sensors to alert me (and my dear wife) when someone was where they shouldn't be by the way. She smiled at me when I told her what happened and said "now you know how women feel at times" when someone unexpected shows up.

Tough lesson.....but there's that silver lining I guess.....

Hope

[Stephanie W]

Hope

Glad to hear you're getting over that unwanted surprise. No excuse for invading someone's personal space, but there's not much you can do once they see you. The best advice is to improve your security with something that will warn you if anyone breaches that common area. Signs might work but they won't give you any audible warning if someone is persistent. Or you could simply have your scariest costume at the ready and follow Virginia's lead and chase him down the street with your most lethal stiletto. Now that would be a sight to see!

Stephanie

[Absaroka]

Your wifes comment is right on the mark.....you just had a female moment.

Absaroka

[CathyD]

Hope
I didn't see any mention of obtaining the name of the charity and calling them to complain of the solicitors behavior. I doubt if most Charities would condone one of their solicitors trespassing on private property!