Good one, Donna!! 
*Hugs*
- SL
THE OFFICIAL: Bad Jokes Thread #2
Moderator: KimberlyS
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SilverLady(SO)
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DonnaT
- Miss Great Goddess
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This is a really lovely story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It's allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building. One day Joe, Steve and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave her very own hard hat and gloves.
At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
"You must have worked very hard to earn all this", said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house."
"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said... "I think so. Provided those pr*cks at Larson's deliver the f**king bricks."
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building. One day Joe, Steve and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave her very own hard hat and gloves.
At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.
"You must have worked very hard to earn all this", said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house."
"My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said... "I think so. Provided those pr*cks at Larson's deliver the f**king bricks."
DonnaT
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SilverLady(SO)
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She sounds like someone I call my younger sister! 
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DonnaT
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Tillie - Maude - Gertrude
These three old ladies and their dogs
were sitting on a park bench
having a quiet conversation
when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies,
stood right in front of them
and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble,
couldn't reach that far . . . .
These three old ladies and their dogs
were sitting on a park bench
having a quiet conversation
when a flasher approached from across the park.
The flasher came up to the ladies,
stood right in front of them
and opened his trench coat.
Gertrude immediately had a stroke.
Then Maude also had a stroke.
But Tillie, being older and more feeble,
couldn't reach that far . . . .
DonnaT
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DonnaT
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A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right Up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said,
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her handbag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
"I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her handbag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
DonnaT
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SilverLady(SO)
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Kinder
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Chavs
I don't know if those of you over the pond will get these, but here goes!
1. What do you call a chav in a box? Innit.
2. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
3. What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it? Safe.
4. What do you call an Eskimo chav? Innuinnit.
5. Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride.
7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike.
8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night? What you lookin' at?"
10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box? Paint three stripes on it.
11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police
12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's? A liar.
13. What do you say to a chav with a job? Can I have a big mac please.
14. What do you say to a chav in a suit? Will the defendant please stand
15. What do u call a knife in chaville? Exhibit A
16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame? A Nova seats 4
17. What do you call a 30 year old chavette? Granny.
18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb? One, they'll scr*w anything.
19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.
20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor? None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."
21. Why did the chav take a shower? He didn't mean to, he just forgot to his close the Nova's window in the car wash
22. Why did the Chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.
23. What do you call a Chav at college? The cleaner.
24. A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we
order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
25. Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins? Society.
1. What do you call a chav in a box? Innit.
2. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet? Sorted
3. What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it? Safe.
4. What do you call an Eskimo chav? Innuinnit.
5. Why are Chavs like slinkies? They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.
6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit? The bride.
7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him? It might be your bike.
8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut? One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.
9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night? What you lookin' at?"
10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box? Paint three stripes on it.
11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving? The police
12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's? A liar.
13. What do you say to a chav with a job? Can I have a big mac please.
14. What do you say to a chav in a suit? Will the defendant please stand
15. What do u call a knife in chaville? Exhibit A
16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame? A Nova seats 4
17. What do you call a 30 year old chavette? Granny.
18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb? One, they'll scr*w anything.
19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river? A start.
20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor? None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."
21. Why did the chav take a shower? He didn't mean to, he just forgot to his close the Nova's window in the car wash
22. Why did the Chav cross the road? To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.
23. What do you call a Chav at college? The cleaner.
24. A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we
order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."
25. Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins? Society.
Just because I look guilty doesn't mean it was me!
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Lydia
- We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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For those of us on the west side of The Pond, see:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav
Although from the context of the items above, the meaning can be deciphered.
Hugs,
Lydia
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chav
Although from the context of the items above, the meaning can be deciphered.
Hugs,
Lydia
"There comes a time ... when you must grasp the bull by the tail and face the situation."