Futility

Chloe · Post by **Chloe** » Tue Dec 25, 2007 10:31 pm

So I was shaving my legs today when I had a thought: maybe it's all pointless? I mean, trying to emulate a woman it's...I dunno. Christ, if I could be a girl I would be but as a boy trying to be one...it's a losing battle I guess. we can't ever escape from who we are which is men. nothing will change that. even if we go as far as having sex changes we wont be women. not completely. we'll never think like them, never feel their pains, their joys. right now I'm feeling like it's pointless to be try if I'm going to lose in the end. I'll know I'm a boy and so will everyone else.

I just needed to get that off my chest to somebody

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 12:24 am

I'm told that many of the folks who do have SRS will say that they finally became physically the gender they always were. If that is not how you feel then maybe you are in fact a male in a male body, rather than a female in a male body. Which is fine, and if you have impulses to try to be a female at times while accepting that you are really male thats fine too.

My daughters have now decided not to shave their legs in winter. I'm proud of them for not being slaves to fashion.

Absaroka

Anita · Post by **Anita** » Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:35 am

Hi Chloe--
I have felt that before, and I continue to feel it at times. It usually lasts for ten minutes or so, while I go on putting on my outfit for the evening. There are times when I look so much like a man in a dress that I cringe, but I still go out there. Other nights I think I look glamorous. Which one is right; both, neither, maybe sometimes one and sometimes the other?

It doesn't seem so much like a losing battle to me anymore. I'm not trying to be consistently glamorous, for one thing, and I did use to try for that. It drove me crazy. I've settled down to more of enjoying the feminine aspects I want to express, and not worrying so much about whether the whole package is complete each day.

I have to remember that there were days when as a boy, I didn't like some aspect of my appearance, and I felt just as bad. I didn't like the way my arms looked, for instance, and it really bothered me. (I guess I was right--those arms usually look fine on my gal self.)

Penni SO · Post by **Penni SO** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 12:21 am

Hi ya Chloe,

It is not how we feel pain,nor joy,it is not expected for any one woman to feel the same,or any one man.
As for you being a man wanting to feel like a woman...well you can,what does a woman feel like,how does a woman think,how does she cope with pain and joy...well its the same as you,,,,,to be just like a woman is how you should feel when you are getting ready en femme.

We come in all shapes and sizes ,we all live an dbreath the same,when you are enfemme to you that is who you are and that is all that matters.
Life should'nt be to live like another or to be like another,life is what is to be because you make it that way.
Don't look in the mirror and beat yourself up,look in the mirror and see that enfemme within,know that she feels joy and pain just like anyone other person.

Hugs Penny

Merinda · Post by **Merinda** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 3:15 am

Chloe ,

It doesn't matter if you are dressed or not

You are who you are spiritually

We all try to express ourselves to others to the best of our ability in a physical form and that can be sometimes be difficult , but the truth is that we need not try so hard , the girl within me is there to stay no matter what I look like.

Elizabeth · Post by **Elizabeth** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 6:04 am

Hi Chloe,

I used to feel that way. It was very frustrating not having the one option I really wanted the most, which was to just be a girl. For me however it has come down to the fact that I just can't be a man. I really would rather be dead that go back to that. And when you get to that point, it stops mattering if it's all worth it or not. The only other option is death, so yeah, I guess it's worth it. It keeps me alive.

But more than that, it has brought harmony and balance to my life. A life that at one time I was willing to throw away. The satisfaction of getting to live my life as the person I always thought I was, has been very rewarding. I hope you will find the contentment you desire, but it can only come from within. Decide who you are and be that person.

Love always,
Elizabeth

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:27 am

Hi Chloe,
Well no matter what I'm a man!, but I enjoy dressing and trying to be a women it's as close as I can come. No I don't think it is for not as I am happy
and I have a loving life. Yes I try my best but under all the makeup and cloths I'm still a male.

Lydia · Post by **Lydia** » Thu Dec 27, 2007 10:46 am

CarolAnn says:

I enjoy dressing and trying to be a women it's as close as I can come

You've got to believe ! I look at myself in a mirror all dolled up and see a reasonable-looking "mature" lady --- I look again and see an old geezer in a skirt. That's fantasy vs. reality. I try to keep the fantasy mindset on as much as possible. I'm happier that way.

Hugs,

Lydia

Jennifer M · Post by **Jennifer M** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 2:09 pm

Hi Speaking only for myself(but I believe there are others) I do feel like ,think like and act like a woman at times .It all comes so naturally,just like being a guy does.I cant explain it,but it is like I have two minds.I am learning from this forum that we all need to accept ourselves for who we are.If we cant, how can we expect others too.

I have been going thru some rough times the last few months and I was going to vent some in a new post.After reading what I just wrote and had forgotten I feel better.
Best wishes to all for a Happy New Year

Virginia · Post by **Virginia** » Sun Dec 30, 2007 7:00 pm

I guess I will have to wax esoteric. In reading what my sisters have written, well girls, I guess I know you now!? Each one wrote almost exactly as I would have thought that they see themselves.

What it tells you, Chloe it that you are on a journey and it can, is, will be different from others. This can be exciting or it can be scary. You see terms we use like balance or of two minds or what was meant to be or the "guy in a dress." We virtually all have different concepts of why, who what we are and each of us accepts or rejects this within ourselves.

What I would recommend is don't fight it!!!! If you feel like dressing up go for it, if you don't then don't. At your age, I would not recommend trying to psychoanalyse yourself. Actually, although some may disagree with me, I think that for some people it can be a stage you go though and you may or may not reject it. Just don't let it become all consuming to you, that is unless you have deeply buried feelings that you "were born in the wrong body." Based on what you have written and what you feel that does not seem to be the case, but then again I am no expert. If you do and only you would know that you have these deep feelings that are rising to the surface, forget the physical attributes you may see in the mirror, get to a counselor and try and find out what is going on.

If one day you want to go out and play football and that evening put on a dress, do it, don't try an figure it out right now. It is what you sense, internally that for a lot of us becomes the defining influence, so do take note of your feelings. Like Anita said sometimes these "questions" arise during the process of dressing but as she said, for her they go away. For others it can become more complex and they begin to beat themselves up over it. Try not to do that.

We are here to help you and please feel free to share with us as you begin to find yourself.

Love,

Virginia

Lydia · Post by **Lydia** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 7:42 am

I just want to emphasize what Virginia said.

We've all been through various stages of this compulsion? obsession? need? whatever you call it. Better minds than ours have tried to explain it, and cannot. I have ceased to analyze it, I just enjoy it.

Be yourself.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Lydia

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 8:26 pm

Chloe

As always, some wonderful words of wisdom from our fine ladies here.

I think as long as you do what 'feels right' to you, that's all that matters. Whether the outward image is not happening on any given day, you are still trying to satisfy that inner need we all have. Self esteem is important, and as others have said, how you feel deep inside is key to where you will feel most comfortable. Perhaps this was just a day you weren't totally in sync with your femme self? Happens to the best of us sometimes, so don't despair. See it less as trying to emulate a woman, more as just expressing who you are.

Stephanie

Miss Emma · Post by **Miss Emma** » Mon Dec 31, 2007 9:22 pm

I don't think you should get hung up on being one gender or another, unless you are TG. As cross-dressers, we ought to look at ourselves as both male AND female. We all have a wider path to walk than most men, and we all walk away from the middle at times. In the end, I think we just need to love and accept ourselves as a whole.

Azurielle · Post by **Azurielle** » Wed Jan 02, 2008 8:14 pm

Personally, I think hormones are the way to go, but I think that, until new techniques for SRSs and FFSs are achieved, we will never match the female we have inside ourselves...

But, to call it futile to try... that's like saying to an amputee that his life is over. Sure, we will probably never be able to function as a genuine female, but to stop trying it would basically mean to stop believing that, someday, there will be room in the world for us.

Thus, I say, live on, my bretheren, live as your heart dictates, for you only live once.