I think I'm just a boy

Chloe · Post by **Chloe** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:06 pm

I have hit a very depressing point in my life. I've realized I'm just a boy. Not transgender, not genderqueer, bigender, lesbian-identified-male, maybe not even a regular old crossdresser. I'm not Chloe anymore. It really sucks. I really like being Chloe. She was fun and confident and pretty. I got compliments as Chloe (compliments from lesbians, he adds with no small sense of pride). I really don't have any kind of identity to cling to anymore.

CJ · Post by CJ » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:48 pm

Yes, you do, Chloe: your identity, right now, is the "you" that's still trying to find who you are, deep down inside. Don't give up on yourself, Chloe. It can't rain all the time.

Love,
CJ

S. Lisa Smith · Post by **S. Lisa Smith** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 9:59 pm

CJ is right. Don't give up on yourself. Things always get better!!

Kimberly Kael · Post by **Kimberly Kael** » Sat Feb 23, 2008 10:25 pm

Another in complete agreement - you don't need to be anything that doesn't feel right to you. There's no such thing as "just a boy." Pick the pieces of yourself that feel right and don't be surprised if who you are changes over time. We all grow, learn, and change.

Carol Ann · Post by **Carol Ann** » Sun Feb 24, 2008 12:01 pm

Chloe,
Don't ever let it get you down to the point where you just don't understand.
What you are feeling is just a little bump in a rocky road in life. Smile and be happy and always look at the good side of things.
My sisters have the wise words, so listen sweetheart

Amelie-Laveau · Post by **Amelie-Laveau** » Sun Feb 24, 2008 1:52 pm

Psst,, Chloe,, come here and listen to this....... Well,, most of us here are,,, well,,,,,,"just boys". Maybe some of us are boys that like to dress different than most,, maybe some here go a bit further with hormones and such,, but,,,,,, for the most part,,, most of us are just boys.

As others have said, you do have an identity and that identity is unique only to you,, that identity is you as CJ said. All the other things you bring up Chloe are all labels,, labels are just rubbish(another label). You must live to whatever makes you most happy,, doesn't matter what identity you link yourself to,, just live your life for yourself and be happy doing it.

As far as not having an identity,,, this is something that I have tried so desparately to acheive for myself. I would love to be a soul without an identity,, no one could label me then.

Violet · Post by **Violet** » Sun Feb 24, 2008 4:15 pm

I think we all have moments of depressiveness like that. This too shall pass. Remember, I'm pullin' for ya - we're all in this together!

Falen · Post by **Falen** » Sun Feb 24, 2008 5:54 pm

I have moments were I'm depresed and don't want to crossdress at all. Then I have moments its all I think about. Sometimes I'm not even sure who I am!

Gaven McLaren · Post by **Gaven McLaren** » Sun Feb 24, 2008 8:22 pm

Chloe do not fret. We have all had those thoughts. I still get those thoughts every so often and I am not the type of person that tries to pass. I like being a guy in a dress or in a skirt.

Kendra Lynn · Post by **Kendra Lynn** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 1:53 am

Dear Chloe: I'm sure many of our "sisters" have had and will have conflicting feelings about CD'ing and where and how we all fit in or if we do and if that even matters.
I enjoy dressing, some times I look really good, some times not.
The day it stops being fun is the day I stop doing it.
There is no separate "person" called "Kendra Lynn," but I will admit that I try to soften my language when "dressed," particularly if I'm participating in a public event as the "hippie cheerleader." Believe it or not, I've actually become sort of an icon in the Washington, D.C. area by appearing at protests and other events. "Hippie Cheerleader" does give me a way to integrate my CD'ing with other interests in a more or less supportive framework.
But I do feel guilty about the amount of money I've spent on wigs and non cheerleader "girl" clothing. Sometimes I feel that I put too much effort and resources into CD'ing (which some might view as a frivolous activity). On the other hand, it's taken me almost ten years to develop the "nice girl with a hippie accent" femme style that I like. I do take some pride in that. And I do feel good if the sun is shining, the temperature is between 55 and 70 fahrenheit, and my "femme" look is working.
A certain quest for me is figuring out how to balance all of my interests: music, films, CD'ing, political action etc etc-- it's hard.
Good luck with your personal quest.
Peace-- Kendra Lynn ("hippie cheerleader")

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:37 am

Chloe I'm too old to be just a boy so I am just a man. There is nothing wrong with that, it's who I am. And has been already said that is who most of us really are.

As has also already been said here very well, we each have our identity. Mines a little unconventional, although not as unconventional as many here. I'm not terribly out of the mainstream in terms of sex or gender, just have slightly unusual taste in my idea of fun clothing. Sometimes I feel a little funny here because I'm so "normal" but so what. Maybe I can be a source of support to the other "normal" people here.

This is I think the great strength of this forum. Membership ranges from those who are truly transexual to those who like to play, from those who are very secretive to those who are totally out, from soccer dad types to goths, from those embracing what Virginia calls our gift to those trying to be rid of our gift, and all sorts of other dichotomies. Our only retrictions really seem to be access to the internet and a fluency in the language this forum is conducted in, and those are just sort of arbitrary inadvertent parameters. So know that you belong and that you too have something to offer.

Absraoka

Post by **KimberlyS** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:23 pm

Chloe wrote:I have hit a very depressing point in my life. I've realized I'm just a boy. Not transgender, not genderqueer, bigender, lesbian-identified-male, maybe not even a regular old crossdresser. I'm not Chloe anymore. It really sucks. I really like being Chloe. She was fun and confident and pretty. I got compliments as Chloe (compliments from lesbians, he adds with no small sense of pride). I really don't have any kind of identity to cling to anymore.

Just a guy here also. A guy with both masculine and feminine attributes. Sometimes I look and/or feel more feminine than other times. I enjoy being a mixed person most of the time.

Each one of us is different.

kimberlys-cd
joe in a skirt

Stephanie W · Post by **Stephanie W** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 7:00 pm

Chloe

Hang in there girl. No one can take the Chloe out of you as she'll always be a part of who you are. You may not feel 'femme' enough to be convinced of that right now, but a new day tomorrow (or the day after) can bring you some new energy and a return of that positive vibe you have simply mislaid for the moment. Stay strong.

Stephanie

Chloe · Post by **Chloe** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 9:34 pm

thanks, all of you. I really needed that. I still don't know whether or not I'm a crossdresser and if that's really a part of me, but if the muse moves me to dress again I'll drop you all a line...and maybe post a few pictures. until then, I'm gonna do some soul searching

much love

here's looking at you ladies

Absaroka · Post by **Absaroka** » Mon Feb 25, 2008 10:40 pm

Chloe if I'm a guy and I like to wear women's clothing that makes me a crossdresser. Most of us don't like to do it all the time and often the whole thing waxes and wanes. Right now I'm in my guy clothes and happy to be there. I'm still a crossdresser. Not that it matters......None of this changes any of my intrinsic worth.

Just my opinion about myself. Take it or leave it.

Absaroka

Crossdressers-Haven.com

I think I'm just a boy

I think I'm just a boy

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