This place always amazes me

[Elizabeth]

Hi girls,

I was reading the forum tonight thinking about how long I have been reading this forum. And why I keep coming back here. We talk a lot about the way things make us feel. I never really did that before. No one ever cared about how I felt about anything. Everything was "all business". Feelings are what shrewd people use against others.

But here, we always talk about our feelings about things that I never dreamed anyone else but me felt. And when I come here and I read someone's post and they are describing a feeling about a particular event. Maybe being out in femme, or hiding from their wife, or feeling ashamed or a whole host of other things that I have felt over my lifetime. It makes me feel connected to all of you.

And I never felt that before I came here. Not in my own family, not in my employment history, not in the bands I have played in, and not in any group or organization that I have belonged to. Even including the other internet forums and IRC chatrooms I have been in over the years, there has never been a place I felt like I belonged. A place where someone understood how I felt.

I remember finally making the decision to register here. Prior to that I only came here in the middle of the night. When I was done reading I would erase the cookies and the browser history. I would even purge the picture cache to make sure no one could bring up the fonts of the forum. But on this night I read a post from a SO.

She was talking about her husband whom she had recently found out he was crossdressing. She was doing her best to be supportive, but was here for herself. Her husband was not a member, as I recall. But she was describing watching him leave the house all dressed up. She talked about how she had done her best to help him, but he still was obviously a man.

She said that as he was leaving she began to cry because this all made her very sad. But she didn't want him to know that she had cried, because she wanted to be supportive. And it made me cry. I wondered why I was not with a woman like that. And I registered with tears just rolling down my face(my, just writing this has made me cry again) thinking that if this woman could have the courage to come here and tell her story to everyone, so could I.

I'm all emotional now, but I want you all to know that I have loved you all dearly and felt your love for me and I don't think I would be here if it were not for all of you. And I still love coming here and hearing someone talk about how wonderful it feels to crossdress. That feeling of allowing her out of our mind and into our reality.

For some, only for a short while, for others like me, forever. But the feeling is the same. And I am so glad not to have to be ashamed about it anymore. No one should ever have to feel shame about this again.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[DonnaT]

I agree Elizabeth. Coming here is like doing a family reunion over and over. A good family.

And yes, no one should have to feel ashamed of themselves, of who they are and how they express it.

[Virginia]

Hi Elizabeth,

You know I can surely identify with you and your experiences with our sisters here!!! God! the tears that I have shed here, joy, sadness, elation, it is a wondrous thing. When we work at and I mean some of us worked very hard at finding that "balance" we seek it was the cause of many tears and long sleepless nights asking the first question that we seem to always ask, "What the hell is wrong with me?" Then we are blessed to find this site and we read and read and read find that we ain't alone! Then we even get to meet face to face some of our sisters from this very forum and as I have always said, "we are nice folk!"

We try to help those of our sisters who are, have and some that will continue to struggle with this "gift" and we weep for some who just could not cope and have departed this veil of tears under the weight of something that they may never have understood or just could not cope with. We tried to help but alas I won't say we failed, we tried, and perhaps that is the best we can hope for. This gift does bring some challenges and some of us just are not cut out to take it on.

What makes this girl smile is the successes, I won't name names and some of our successes have evidently moved on and that is fine. Some are still here and sharing with us and it helps the new sorority members who come here and they can see the success of others and hopefully say, "Yeah, I can do that" or " I know how that feels and I want to (be all I can be)!!!" Is that not what we are here for?? To lend a helping hand if we can to those who may be struggling in any aspect of life.

We know for a fact how much this forum has helped many of our sisters. Many have said so.................. ain't it great!!!!!! I can speak for myself!!!

On a more personal note, Elizabeth, what would we have done without Raven and SL!!!!???

It is a gift!!!!!

I am Virginia and Virginia is me and I will take my SO's = SL's hand in mine and we will continue to enjoy our "Magical Mystery Tour," and hope my sisters will find the happiness that this gift has brought us!!

Love you all,

Virginia

[Elizabeth]

Hey Virginia,

As you well know from our discussions before Raven and SL that our lives and our outlooks were much different. I really don't know what I would have done had she not come along and changed my life for the better.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Anita]

Lovely post, Elizabeth. It's great to be a part of this community, isn't it?

[CJ]

Hear, hear!

This place saved me from a bleak future. Like Violet, I was always fairly "out." It's the loneliness that was killing me. More so, it was the "aloneness." This blessed site allowed me to cast that aloneness from my life and thoughts. For that, I thank you all... even those that have gone from here.

Great post, Elizabeth. Thanks!

Love,
CJ

[Violet]

This site really is a very special place for me, and has helped me a lot to master my own truth and channel and direct my own feelings. Some of you may see me as being very 'brave' about my dual nature (or 'crazy ) but that's just the way I am in my response to the stresses of life and the social control that tries to manipulate me, in general. Inside I am so very insecure and depressive about many things in my life, my tendency to cross being but one of them. I want you to know that you are all so sweet, and I really love to see a place where many people of different ages, cultures and ideals can come together to help each other cope with a 'gift' that makes so much trouble and stress in our lives. Even if I don't post often or spend long periods 'incommunicado' and nursing my own insecurities, I really feel affection for you and value as people for your unique contribution to my life.

[Amelie-Laveau]

I too have found comfort in posts of this forum, especially your's Liz and CJs,, although maybe you both could use smaller words so I can understand better, without a dictionary. lol

I think that I am similar to Violet, while I do go out, I can dress when i want, I still have a fear, not a fear of people, but a fear of myself. Sometimes I get really confused, so much so, to the point that i don't know who i am. I retreat from the world and become someone else,, and I fear that one day I won't come back as myself, i will remain the other person, sorry if that was confusing, like i said, I confuse easily.

But I must also say that I have met people in real life that have similar counter parts on this forum:

One of my best friends in NYC was a TS who was French Canadien,,,, simialr to CJ

I knew a cd from the bars in NYC that played some pro baseball, she was very fem but could beat anyone in a hand wrestle, similar person,, Virginia

Then there was this very steady tgirl I knew, nothing got her angry and nothing but common sense came from her lips,, similar to Donna T

As for Violet, I have met quite a few tgirls like her,, us Vampires hang out together a lot. lol

Lorna, who is now gone,, there was a girl I knew similar to her, hot temper but funny as well.

There was a girl who i knew that was a guitarist, she was into 60's rock,, she reminds me of Liz.

I am sure if my memory was better, i could link all the members of this site to people that I met in real life.

Oh and Absaroka,,, you are not alone out there, i met many people like yourself,, they were the ones that asked me the most questions about myself and being tg. They wanted knowledge.

[Zarabeth MacAllister]

I've spent a lot of time reading through the posts on this forum. There is more of a family atmosphere here than at any other place related to what we do.
So many stories unfolding on so many levels. Its nice to know that i am not alone out there and that there are others that share in good fortune too. I dont get to dress as often as I would like. Day to day living, family responsibilities, film scoring and reenacting take up a great deal of the 24 hour day lol.

Its nice to know that my venues for Embyrre the Fairy Queen, Queen Anne, and Gothic Zara are waiting for me when all is said and done. Even better is knowing that you are here to listen should I need an ear or a piece of advice or three

Thank you so much for making this forum what it is

*much hugs*

Zarabeth

[TerriLynn]

I, for one, have fallen in love with this group of girls. From all of my wonderings through the internet, I honestly feel more at home here than I ever have anywhere else. All of support that is so freely given, advice, opinions, ideas, and just the general chatter that we all share here is amazing.

Most girls here are new to me still, some i recognize from other groups. I came here originally while just prowling the net one day, and feel I've struck gold. And it's cool to see others that I think I have chatted with from several years ago also. (Zarabeth, are you also a former msn refugee and member of the MCDC?).

It just makes my day when I get here, to catch up on the posts, welcome new members, as I was so warmly welcomed when I got here. I don't post a lot, but I do try and read nearly every post on the list. I come here when I'm feeling down and depressed, when feeling good, and when I have just a so-so day. But the inportant thing to me, is that I have this place to come to, and all of you wonderful people to share a few things with.

Love You All.

Terrilynn

[CJ]

Yay! TerriLynn, you're hired!!!

CJ

[Lilly M.]

Hi Elizabeth and Everyone
That was a lovely post Elizabeth .It gives me a good feeling that I have come to the right place as I am a total newbie here.
I was a member of my local forum where there was quite active discussion and support when I started I soon got into it my stride and I seemed to really open up.Something you need when you've been suppressing for 35 years. In a short time I became somewhat of a gobshite( chatterbox ) to use my northern english vanacular.
Anyway there was a SO who seemed to put an interesting topic everyday but she left and although we became friends and are still in touch I missed the daily interaction no matter what the subject.The forum quickly ground to a halt which is a real shame .I tried to keep it going but got no replys .
My point is that I personally need to discuss this side of me ,I am a socialable creature and having this secret part of me kills me at times .To be amongst like minded people gives me peace in this over active brainbox of mine.

Take care Lilly M.

[Zarabeth MacAllister]

And it's cool to see others that I think I have chatted with from several years ago also. (Zarabeth, are you also a former msn refugee and member of the MCDC?).

Terrilynn

As a matter of fact I am Years ago before MSN went "paid chatrooms" I used to hang out ther frequently. I havent heard much from the MCDC group in a long time and they might not be meeting anymore as their old website is way out of date now.

Do I know you?

*hugs*

Zara

[TerriLynn]

Hi Zarabeth. It is very cool to find out you are the same person I met in msn before they went pay. You were instrumental in convincing me that I should come down to Dallas and join with the other girls and SO's in the MCDC.

My initial visit with that group was my first time 'out' with so many wonderful people and I was truely made to feel welcome and that I was definately not alone. I spent that whole weekend enfemme, my first time, and met so many others too. Peggy Rudd was the guest speaker, and even signed the 2 books of hers that i bought. You werent able to be there that weekend though. The girls split up after the meeting, and several of us went down to BuddiesII for drinks and some dancing, then over to Sue Ellens. I even made the 6 hour drive back home to the panhandle enfemme, I just didnt want it all to end.

Alas, that was also the weekend before the 9/11 attacks, so the 'pink fog' was dispelled too soon after. But, I am happy to see you here, and it is sad to hear that the MCDC may not be there any longer. Welcome to the group Zara, and I hope you also find a permanent place with us.

Hugs,

Terrilynn

[Marda]

Thanks for this thread, Elizabeth, and thanks everybody for your comments which speak much for me too, it's been a year since I got sick and much has happened to cause me to reflect on the me who I've been and the me who I've become ... I'm still, and especially now, mostly in secret, visibly, but the Marda this community helped me become years ago is still alive and well and probably helped me survive the last year more than I may understand, or ever know, and I must say, "Thanks to you all for being this community, and keeping going as such and being here for me when I made it out of the hospital .. one thing I learned through my recent journey is that I, Marda, don't depend on a few articles of clothing for my sense of self ... I feel good about me no matter what I'm wearing most important for me are aspects which have already been said here now by you all about such things as feeling not alone or sick or apologetic about CDing so, thanks again everybody, including those of you I haven't met or exchanged with yet, but special for those of you who remember me from my earlier days here and helped me find a sense of "Family" here
I'm going onto a new phase of my rehabilitation now, so, if you don't hear from me for a wee while, you know, that I'm thinking of you all and wishing you all well
,Marda