My rant from 5/11/04 - Deleted? I thought I had input here

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Shannon
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My rant from 5/11/04 - Deleted? I thought I had input here

Post by Shannon »

Some of you may have seen my rant posted in this section last night (5/11/04).... some of you may not have seen it.... If you didn't you will not be able to, because SOMEBODY deleted it... now since there is only 3 persons who could do that (including me)... I have only two possible suspects....

Well Leave it be known, I am NOT HAPPY -,,- about the deletion and I am glad to know that I am not the only one here who is not happy about it... Below is a paste of a PM I received from a member, who I must say to, Thank You very much for your comments, they mean a lot to me.

Here is the members comments

"Sharon and Shannon,

At first I was going to post this on every section of your forum because I was so mad you (or Beauty) deleted what may be the most important message of all. I didn't care if it got me removed (and still don't). That is how passionately I feel about it. But then I thought it best I send this directly to you. This is what I wrote:

We have all poured out our hearts here, telling every little thing about our deepest darkest secrets. We have bared our souls because we are struggling. This has become a place for us to be ourselves. Accept us or reject us, it doesn’t matter. We are who we are.

I don't know Shannon or Sharon, the people who made this forum possible. What I do know is all the good that has come from their efforts. SOs get to vent and their SOs get to respond. It is great therapy and only improves our relationship. I love the fact that Shannon and Sharon are human. I hate that anyone has to struggle with this but as long as we are humans on this earth, that's a fact of life.

When Shannon used this forum to vent his frustrations that was the first time I felt normal. Shannon, I thank you. But to whoever deleted the messages you have denied everyone else the opportunity to understand we are all human and that I think is selfish.

I have poured my heart out here. I felt I risked everything by putting my picture here. I was shaking at the thought of someone finding it. But I did so knowing that if I didn’t have the balls to be me, how could I expect anyone else to do it? I wish I could tell you how hard that was for me. I’m still scared it could backfire. But I look at all the pioneers of this country and none of them gave a care in the world about what anyone else thought of them. That’s the way of the pioneer.

If you look at every post I have made you will see I am trying to solve the ultimate dilemma (at least for us). I may go to my grave without having accomplished that but maybe something I said or did had a positive effect on someone else. Just the thought of this makes me happier. I believe we become better people when we concentrate on helping others more than ourselves. I know I am happier for it.

I have tried to become a pillar inside this community even though I am struggling myself. Someone has to take that role and since I’m AARP age, I’ll take it on. Hell, who knows, maybe someday there might be someone who says, “YYYYY, er, YYY, I mean YYYYY, oh what the hell! Whoever this person was, he/she was instrumental in me becoming a better person.” Not the best send off but I’ll take it.

I still envy the relationship you two have. My wife just ignores it. You did something about it and that is so honorable. When I saw the messages Shannon had written were gone my heart sank. I feel it is imperative the community sees you guys are human. That will help us all. And I can tell you, not one of the real CDs will do anything less than sympathize. That’s how we are. In fact if you lived in the area I’d have to have you over and we could all have a a great talk (Sharon and XXXXX would hit it off just great) then drink and dance. Oh yeah, we’d also get some Chicago deep-dish pizza!

Oh wow! Now I see some even better value to your creation! If you are ever in the Chicago area, look us up. I’d love to meet both of you. XXXXX and Sharon would talk until the cows come home and YYYYY and Shannon would play pool or whatever.

Thanks for listening.

YYYYY/YYY"

I hope you don't mind me sharing your thoughts with the forum, XXXXX...

Again, I am VERY NOT HAPPY with the deletion. -,,- -,,- -,,- -,,-
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Jadeanne
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Post by Jadeanne »

Shannon,

This is your website and I believe that you have the right to post whatever you want.

Any married couple will have their differences, so I don't think you and Sharon are different - after all we all are human, with human frailties. I also do computer tech support and know the feeling that talking directly to the computer hardware instead of the carbon unit trying to operate it would be more effective.

Please let me take this opportunity to say that this website is my internet home. You built up a great community here and I'm proud to be a member.

I hope things can be cleared up among our site administrators/moderators.

OK, this blonde will step down from her soapbox.

Jadeanne
Beauty
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Post by Beauty »

Hi Shannon,

Your post was not deleted. It was moved to the Admin Only area of the forum.

You seemed very hot yesterday and so I figured that I'd put it in an area where you could see it and put it back if you still felt that way today.

The post has been moved back. As you will see the post that you quoted above was never entered there. :-k

I have no idea how someone's post was deleted. I wouldn't delete a post unless it was offensive sexually or against the rules of the forum.

I've gotta admit though. This is getting a little tough to manage here. I don't do well with anger. It's not my bag. :?

Beauty
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Sally
We Will Never Forget You - Rest in Peace
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My rant from 5/11/04- deleted? I thought I had input here.

Post by Sally »

Well that's it for me. I have no use for public anger and bickering. I bid everyone farewell and wish everyone all the best.

Sally.
Watch nature, because it’s our greatest teacher, it moves and flows and moves on again. We can never be free until we disengage, so allow life to flow as you find it. The way it is, is the way it is.
Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth »

I have to say this is making me very uneasy. I am now afraid this will end in an explosion that could end this beautiful place. I know that I would not want my marriage on public display, but that is just me. I don't know that a couple can separate thier private life from the things that we need to talk about. I must admit I felt that Saron(SO) must be the most secure person on this planet to be able to do this. Not that others have not bared thier soles, they certainly have. Just that to be able to come here and put her marriage, her privacy, and her life on public display so some poor girl like me can find a way to live with myself. Well I would like to think I could be that kind of person some day. I am a terribly insecure person who has really come to enjoy coming here so I can become the person I always wanted to be. But this bickering and hostile tone I hear in the words of both of you, is really scaring me. I would hope that patience, kindness, and empathy could replace anger, frustration, fear. That is why I come here. Thanks in advance
Elizabeth
Loretta Ann
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Post by Loretta Ann »

Elizabeth,

One of the things that make this forum valuable is that one can come here with an assumed name, and disclose things about them selves that they would not be able to do other wise. That's what gives places like this the power they have.

It allows one to remain safe while growing and seeking help, And I think Shannon should be supported for what he has done here. Shannon and Sharon are no different from the rest of us, we all have our own particular problems. And if we are to show them proper respect we need to be willing to try and help them as they have helped us.

That is the way I see it.
Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth »

Darlene,
I agree with everything you said. Those are part of the reason I come here also. It is not through are argument that we are healed. but through acceptance. To be heard, to be cuddled. to be hugged, to be fed, to be proud of, these are the things that make us feel accepted. I am not saying we are without anger, I am saying I don't beleive anger is a useful tool. Anger is the opposite of acceptance. I beleive it is when we stop being angry that we start being accepting. That is all I am saying
Elizabeth
Shannon
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Post by Shannon »

Well, first let me say I am sorry to anybody who was bothered by my rants... I must admit I am more Male than Female.... my abiltiy to get irritated and how I react to irritation is most definately male.

I am starting to understand that I must not say things well, because it appears I have hurt Beauty to the point of her giving up and moving on. Beleive me that was not my intention....

TO BEAUTY: I am sorry for any pain I caused you, PLEASE reconsider your decision.... if you want to stay with your desicion I understand completely and will respect that. But I wish you could give me another chance. ..|/- ..|/-

On the topic of me not saying things well, it is becoming painfully obvious to me that I can't communicate well (I don't seem to play nice with others) and I need to accept that and adjust.

To anybody bothered by what I said, again I am sorry. I just need to shut up, it is safer that way
Loretta Ann
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Post by Loretta Ann »

Elizabeth wrote;I am saying I don't beleive anger is a useful tool. Anger is the opposite of acceptance. I beleive it is when we stop being angry that we start being accepting. That is all I am saying.
Elizabeth, I agree with you, but anger is a way of life for some, and there needs to some avenue by which people have a chance of becoming aware of what is you have spoken about here.

(--)
Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth »

Shannon,
It would be a bitter travesty if you were to stop speaking. That is not what I want. However, I know all about anger. It was/is my wifes biggest complaints. I did not say anger was not a tool, I said it was not a useful tool. Anger is a form of violence. It is to intimidate, to make others do as we wish, to escape our anger. And when they comply the anger is gone. But usually we just make the other person want to avoid us. It may feel like victory, but it never lasts. I am not saying that you should not come here and say what is upsetting you. But when it becomes accusations, and assumptions, profanity, You are not just spilling your blood. My wife does not accept this at all. This is going to end our marriage. I see you living in the best of circumstances. Your wife not only lets you dress, and still loves and supports you. But she puts her life and marriage up for public display which she has no need to do without your issues. I would settle for just being accepted by my wife. Even if I never got to dress in front of her. I am not telling you that I think anger has no place here, I am telling you that I have learned anger has no place anywhere. No progress can be made until people stop being angry, so adding anger is just an obstical. I think that just because you are one of the site administrators you should not be allowed to not be nice, which is a rule that you made. I have to tell you, I feel a lot of love here. This place may have saved my life. Shannon, I know you are a good person, that is why this place is here. See if you can find a way to express yourself without anger. I bet you can make all of the same points, but in a way that will make you heard, not just angry. Then you and the love of your life can find a way to make it through all this confusion, we call life.
Elizabeth
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Anita
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Post by Anita »

Hi Shannon--
I just happened on all this tonight. No one should delete it without your knowing abou it, but at the same time, do you really want this to stay in the archives?

I had problems with extreme anger in my life, and since the Internet wasn't around, I wasn't tempted to write about it. It could have been a problem for me at that time.

Really angry posts are always hard to handle on this kind of forum, and that's even when they don't involve several members of the same forum.

You needed to be heard, and responded to. Now that there has been some of that, would you cosider editing heavily, or just deleting it altogether? It's very much a "here/now" post.
Anita
Alexandra
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Post by Alexandra »

just my 2 cents . . .

in the first place, moderating is a thankless task, very time consuming (and probably unpaid) and most of all, puts a moderator in an EXTREMELY difficult position of having to keep in check one's own personal bias for the benefit of the forum. Each one of us can easily voice an opinion -- for moderators, its not that easy.

although an owner has a right to do whatever they want, however, if an owner second guesses a moderator, especially ON THE BOARD, he'll/she'll soon find himself without moderators.

Here's a helpful hint for everybody: NEVER criticize a moderator unless you're fully prepared to do the job yourself.

IMO Beauty has done a great job and the site owners should have quit while they were ahead.


I suggest we just move on and do what this site does best: help our fellow sisters out of the darkness.
Alexandra
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Kyra
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Post by Kyra »

Oh wow.

I guess I've been away a bit too long! My gosh, what has happened?

Shannon, i hope everything is okay.

Beauty, I hope you're okay too.

Sharon, same goes for you.

Let's not forget, that we are ALL human. So human in fact, that we sometimes let our emotions run rampant. There's an old adage that goes like this: "Be sure brain is in gear before putting mouth into motion"

In my opinion, this website has become a haven. My place of refuge. My "Oasis of sanity"

Let's see...
This site has helped me to understand who I am.
This site has helped me to communicate better with my spouse.
This site has helped me to realize that I'm not alone.
This site has helped me make friends.
This site has allowed me to admire my sisters who courageously brave the world daily.
This site, and all its members have helped me in ways I can't explain.
I have cried because of what I've read here.
I have laughed.
I have shared things here that I've never told anyone before.
I guess if I had to sum it all up in one word, it would be "Family"

And Family is what you are to me. This is my home.
Just think...I have been touched deeply by this forum. I am only one of how many members?

Please don't let tempers flare past the point of control.
Anger is one letter short of Danger.


My love to you all.
Kyra
For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return. - Leonardo DaVinci
Elizabeth
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Post by Elizabeth »

Kyra wrote:
Let's see...
This site has helped me to understand who I am.
This site has helped me to communicate better with my spouse.
This site has helped me to realize that I'm not alone.
This site has helped me make friends.
This site has allowed me to admire my sisters who courageously brave the world daily.
This site, and all its members have helped me in ways I can't explain.
I have cried because of what I've read here.
I have laughed.
I have shared things here that I've never told anyone before.
I guess if I had to sum it all up in one word, it would be "Family"
I feel all of these things.
Elizabeth
Danielle La Belle
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Post by Danielle La Belle »

I cannot imagine how I missed all the excitement! Gosh, it must have been a real hum-dinger. I have not seen one of those for the past two weeks. :lol:

I expect one a week for the most part. In this community we are talking about people with dual personalities to some extent. The masculine and the feminine. Like pistols too hot to handle, we pull out the desired personality and begin shooting!

I expect that as a member of this community. There will always be times that a topic comes up that pushes someone’s button [s]. We would not be human after all if we did not vent every so often. While I may look cool and calm most times, that is because I have shot myself in the foot so often, that I have finally learned that others have an opinion too and not just me, myself and I.

Part of the maturing process it seems is always getting to the next social level. Some get stalled on a level and cannot seem to move any further up or down the line as you may prefer. This is a particular trait for each of us and without any opinion either way, I accept the fact that I am going to be exposed to this human parameter no matter where I go.

Some friendships and relationships are strained, even broken, by one human or another in a difference of opinion. Typically, the male proponent tries to win, while the female proponent tries to balance things out. This is problematic of the human species for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, we are all married to this community.

Even in the USA there are limits to freedom of expression. Just try walking down main street at 12:00 pm in your “birthday suit.” Not everyone wants to see your secret wrinkles! So we have devised a law or two or three that address that kind of behavior.

I personally did not vote for those laws on a local ordinance level, someone else did at the time, but we all agree to live by the current laws until such time that we can get them changed through the established means of selection and rejection.

I am still here girls! Not planning to go anywhere anytime soon. Besides, I am sure everyone is just holding their breath while I go for that IPL treatment to remove facial hair in June, July and August. :lol: :lol: :lol:

"Good-bye dermablend, hello Covergirl light and easy breezy!"

I am going to look so hot, I will have to buy fire-proof photo paper. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 8)

Hugs

Danielle
Make the most of every day!
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