Lunch with My Mother-in-Law

[Maggie]

Although my wife hates seeing me in drag, her widowed mother has previously enjoyed seeing me portray a woman on stage. However, my mother-in-law did not get to see me perform as "Maggie" in the recent cabaret show at my church.

This past Saturday, while my wife was out of town, I made plans with my mother-in-law and my wife's aunt to take them out to lunch as Maggie, so they could judge in person how convincing I was as a female impersonator and how well I was able to pass in public. (This was all done with my wife's knowledge.)

My wife's mother and aunt were both stunned at my feminine looks, voice, and demeanor. They said that I was totally convincing as a woman. At the restaurant, it seemed as if almost nobody suspected my true sex. After my wife's aunt took pictures of Maggie and my mother-in-law, a woman at a neighboring table offered to take a picture of all three of us together. My mother-in-law told her that I was her "daughter-in-law" visiting from out of town. We then spent time together at my mother-in-law's house.

Maggie did some shopping on the way home. At home, I took some photographs using the self-timer on my digital camera. Then I had to change into a male character I was performing that evening in a play at a community theater.

Although I can't post the pictures taken at the restaurant for privacy reasons, I am posting two of the pictures I took when I returned home, to show my outfit and appearance.

When I spoke to my mother-in-law on the telephone the next day, she told me how very much she liked Maggie. But I was truly astounded when she confided that - although she had felt some closeness to me as a man - she felt much closer relating to me as a woman! She actually felt more attached to my female persona than my male one!

This confirms a phenomenon that I previous noted during the rehearsals for my female roles. I found that various women were relating to me emotionally as if I were another woman - even though they knew intellectually that I was male. It was a kind of a female bonding experience.

Have any of you had similar experiences?

[Hope]

WOW ! I can understand why you didn't have any problems passing.

Good for you girl.

[Maggie]

I just spoke to my mother-in-law, who just saw the pictures I sent to her. She now feels disturbed by them, but doesn't know why. She now sounds very distant.

I probably should have left well enough alone. I feel bummed.

[DonnaT]

time for another luncheon, only this time as your male self. You probably just need to reinforce your masculinity in her minds eye.

She was fine before because she was of the mindset that she was interacting with another lady. Ask her to bring the pictures to the lunch, and ask for them back if she still finds them disturbing.

[Maggie]

I guess I let my pride in my female impersonation skills get away with me. Because I enjoy performing in drag and don't feel any shame or guilt about it, I tend to forget that many people still have a deep, underlying discomfort about cross-dressing. I assume that if I do a good enough job at being a convincing woman, people will be pleased. But maybe if I am too convincing, some people might worry that I am taking this all too seriously.

Maybe there's a lesson in this. Don't put too much reliance on someone else's apparent "acceptance." Their motivations are not the same as yours. Their attitudes can change quickly, for reasons beyond your control, leaving one feeling exposed, vulnerable, and foolish.

[Maggie]

time for another luncheon, only this time as your male self. You probably just need to reinforce your masculinity in her minds eye.

Well, next weekend my mother-in-law will be coming to see me perform in a play at a community theater, in which I play a very macho role. It is diametrically opposed to "Maggie" - in fact, my character is a rapist. If this doesn't provide balance, nothing will.

[Elizabeth]

Maggie,

I too have experienced the joy of early acceptance only to be followed by complete rejection. It seems that there are those who wish to be accepting, but later cave in to the social pressure, when they realize the implications of acceptance.

I have to tell though, I hear something else in your post. Perhaps something you are feeling, or perhaps not, but I do sense that this rejection has hit you in the same way that is affects all of us crossdressers. And while I have read other posts of yours, claiming your crossdressing is purely for emperical research and a part of your acting career.

Maggie wrote:

Rod felt that his transgender experiment provided some worthwhile insights, and he enjoyed the opportunity to discover his feminine side. However, after toying for a while with the possibility that he might be transgendered, he finally came to the firm conclusion that he was not. He decided that he was simply an actor performing the role of a female character that he had created.

This quote can be found at the following location

http://members.aol.com/miscmg/meaning.htm

I have to be honest and tell you that I don't see your visit with your mother in law, your joy at her acceptance of you, and your subsequent anguish at her eventual rejection, to be either a part of emperical research or a practice for your acting. Please accept my apologies if I am wrong about this, but your actions, including taking and sending piotures for approval, are in my opinion, classic crossdresser behavior. I can't help but wonder if Rod has come up with the perfect disguise, reason, and motivation to present as female. Again, if I am wrong about this I apologize, but I do hear the pain in your post, I recognize it.

Good luck to you Maggie, perhaps the rejection an actor feels after a great performance, overwhelming applause, but negative reviews, is not all that different that what us crossdressers feel after being accepted and later rejected, the similarities are uncanny.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[DonnaT]

It is diametrically opposed to "Maggie" - in fact, my character is a rapist. If this doesn't provide balance, nothing will.

I see it differently in that she won't accept a rapist either. Sorry, but I still say you should meet before then, especially now. She needs to be prepared for what she will see, as she appears to be having a little bit of a problem separating you from your acting. Lots of people find it hard to separate actors from characters. I know I've seen films of, for example, wife abusers, and can't really find anything good about the actor when he's playing a different character.

[Elizabeth]

Donna,

That does sound equally as likely. How nice of you to point that out.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Loretta Ann]

Maggie,

As much as some cross-dressers would like to think that the experience helps them understand and be like a woman. There is one fundamental difference between us that is often overlooked or miss-understood by cross-dressers.

And that is that Women respond to there emotions first and later decide if it is truly what they want. It's like there first response can often be like they get high on their emotions. And once the high wears off they are able to put things more in perspective. And it is then that the true picture begins to unfold.

So I don't think it is a matter of acceptance and then rejection, or a flip flop as most men tend to see it.

Darlene.

[Maggie]

I have to be honest and tell you that I don't see your visit with your mother in law, your joy at her acceptance of you, and your subsequent anguish at her eventual rejection, to be either a part of emperical research or a practice for your acting. Please accept my apologies if I am wrong about this, but your actions, including taking and sending piotures for approval, are in my opinion, classic crossdresser behavior. I can't help but wonder if Rod has come up with the perfect disguise, reason, and motivation to present as female. Again, if I am wrong about this I apologize, but I do hear the pain in your post, I recognize it.

As far as the pictures are concerned, my wife's mother and aunt were the ones who originally suggested taking them at the restaurant. This was fine with me, as I had brought my digital camera in my purse. The next day, my mother-in-law told me on the telephone that she was looking forward to seeing the pictures, so I mailed them the day after that. I suspect that she was disturbed because the pictures looked a bit too convincing. All she could see was Maggie, and she could not recognize me underneath.

I personally wouldn't mind being classified as a transvestite, so I don't take any offence at your suggestion. I wouldn't feel any shame or guilt in it. If fact, my wife already considers me to be a cross-dresser. In view of the fact that I get a lot of emotional satisfaction portraying a woman, I suppose I could be regarded as a CD/TV, depending on how you define the terms.

However, based on what I have learned from TG meetings, TG websites, and other research, there are several reasons why I think that I am not a typical CD/TV and that I might better be described as an actor who does female impersonation.

1. I am not interested in wearing female clothes for their own sake. For example, unlike most CDers, I never wear women's panties - even when I am in drag. Nor do I find any pleasure in simply being a man in a dress. I only dress to be in costume for the Maggie character.

2. Most CDers have an overwhelming desire to cross-dress, without regard to their ability to "pass" or how good they look as women. In contrast, my motivation to portray Maggie arose from my unexpected discovery of how realistically I was able to look and act as a woman. My satisfaction comes from demonstrating my skill at female impersonation. If I wasn't able to do it well, I wouldn't continue.

3. Unlike many CDers, I don't feel any gender dysphoria. Although I have found pleasure in discovering and expressing my "feminine side," I am basically happy being a man and wouldn't want to be female.

4. I think I am a natural-born actor. I enjoy the freedom that acting gives me to express many different emotions and aspects of my personality. I have found pleasure and satisfaction in many of the male roles I have played, and I have enjoyed the praise I have received for my acting ability. I will admit, however, that I have found the greatest challenge and satisfaction in the two female roles I have had thus far.

5. When I am not in character as "Maggie," I do not feel that she is "me." When I admire her pictures, I feel that I am a man looking at a woman who is a separate and discrete individual.

6. I don't find much point in dressing at home alone, and only do so when I am rehearsing before my video camera or taking photographs to study my appearance. My goal is to perform and/or test my female impersonation skills in public.

7. Presenting myself as a female-impersonating actor (as distinguished from a CD/TV) allows me to be open about cross-dressing, since it is in a context that other people will find more comfortable and understandable. I can let people know that I am proud of my acting and FI skills, and that I don't regard cross-dressing as any kind of stigma.

If you think my arguments are simply rationalizations for cross-dressing, that's okay with me. Like I said, I don't mind being regarded as a CD/TV. You can label me however you wish. I am what I am.

[Carol Ann]

Hi Maggie,
I believe you speak from your heart and I wonder if some of the ladys are a tad jealous of you. You do make a very lovely women and as far as beening a female impersonator there are men making big bucks in Hollywood doing just that. Your an actor, go with the flow and what ever part you have. Carol Ann

[TamaraSegunda]

Dear Maggie:

First let me compliment you on your appearance and presentation. Nicely done. What moved me to respond, though was this part of your response to Elizabeth:

I personally wouldn't mind being classified as a transvestite, so I don't take any offence at your suggestion. I wouldn't feel any shame or guilt in it. If fact, my wife already considers me to be a cross-dresser. In view of the fact that I get a lot of emotional satisfaction portraying a woman, I suppose I could be regarded as a CD/TV, depending on how you define the terms.

However, based on what I have learned from TG meetings, TG websites, and other research, there are several reasons why I think that I am not a typical CD/TV and that I might better be described as an actor who does female impersonation.

After as many years as I've prowled around edges of the Transwhatever precincts of cyberspace, if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that there is no such thing as a "typical CD/TV." We may have in common the basic experience of having dressed in the clothing of the opposite sex -- and enjoyed it -- but beyond that, there are as many variations in degree and intensity as you can imagine. If you really don't wear women's panties when in drag, even though doing so might improve your presentation (I'm thinking massive VPLs left by a pair of Y-fronts), then even that choice seems likely to have been made based on considerations other than what would result in the most convincing 'costume.'

For my part, I try to stay away from labels altogether, except as a very general type of shorthand. I may refer to myself as a CDer, but that label immediately says more -- and less -- than the truth about me. I understand that when I say that someone is a CDer, then the person hearing that description immediately draws a stereotypical mental picture to conform to their own experiences.

Whatever you are dear, you look real nice.
Sincere best wishes,
......Tamara Segunda

[Maggie]

If you really don't wear women's panties when in drag, even though doing so might improve your presentation (I'm thinking massive VPLs left by a pair of Y-fronts), then even that choice seems likely to have been made based on considerations other than what would result in the most convincing 'costume.'

Actually, I prefer men's cotton bikini-type briefs (with a plain front) made by Jockey.

[Virginia]

First, Maggie, you do look wonderful!
Second, I am not sure how you presented yourself to your female companions at lunch. Was it simply as an actor or could you have left them with the impression that you enjoy dressing and going out? It is really irrelevant since they, as most GG's, in that type of situation will form their own opinion and there really is not much "we" can do about what other people preceive to be their reality. I don't think you have a problem, it is for them to determine what they saw and how they want to deal with you and you no doubt will respond in the proper way!
Love,
Virginia